Kids Corner: Dealing with Separation!

Our kids get so used to staying with us because, we as mums want to do everything for them and try to make sure that we are there when they need us. This is even more evident in First-time mums and often it happens that the first-born child takes a little longer to deal and cope with separation than the next ones. At some time, all children have to face the dreaded separation. This could be at a time when mum goes back to work and leave the child in care of any other adult- grandparent, domestic helper or at the time when the child starts with play school or pre-school. More often than not, this is the most feared stage by parents and children are also not able to take it from the word go! Each one of us experience this and often are not sure about how to deal with it in a positive way. Everyone has their own opinion about dealing with separation and the best one is that, which works for you and your child.  The only thing, we as parents need to make sure is to be strong and never let our child get overwhelmed with our nervousness.

These few tips may help to make the process easier if not completely tear free.

1. Even before going back to work or before starting school, leave the child for an hour (and gradually increasing to 2, then 4 and then for the day) with another care giver like grandparent, babysitter, domestic helper. This will help him/her to understand that others also can take care of them.

2. If you are starting with school, stay with him/her for a couple of days for sometime so that he/she gets used to the environment and feels safe there, then gradually start leaving him/her there for the duration of school.

3. When starting school, explain to your child what all activities he can look forward to and talk about teachers and new friends that he/she is going to meet.

4. Don't expect your child to take on to this new experience in a positive way immediately. Be prepared for a good amount of crying and tears when you leave him/her at the school or at home with another caregiver. But you have to feel strong and confident and let your child cry for a while and within a week or 10 days, it will be absolutely fine and they may even start enjoying and look forward to go to school. This is tried and tested... my champ used to cry for the first week, a lot of people told me to wait for some more time before starting with the play group for him but I felt that the longer he stays with me and see me around, the longer he'll take to adjust. So after two days of starting school, I left him there and to make sure that I could not hear him cry, used to go out for a walk or to a cafe. Initially he used to whine for the whole time (2 hours), then it was only few minutes after I left and then he used to get engaged in the activities, then it was for a couple of minutes after dropping off and and believe me, he was absolutely fine after 10 days.

5. Another thing that might work is to have the father drop the child to school. Usually with Stay at home mums, children feel that mothers are there to stay with them forever, whereas for Dads, they know that Daddy has to go to work so it is easier to cope. I tried this also and it's working great. Mr. Scientists drops our champ on the way to work and I go to bring him back. The difference is felt on those days when Mr. Scientist has an early meeting and has to leave early and I go to drop our Champ, he kind of expects that I am going to stay with him there.

6. Talk to the teachers and make sure that your child see that and this will reassure him  and he'll be able to trust them.

7. Keep talking about school and teachers in a positive way.

Hope these tips will help you and your child to deal with separation anxiety. Do you have any of your experience or tips to share, please leave a comment

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Kids Corner- No Playschool at 18 Months. Why?

There is always a debate on what's the right age to send your child to school. 18 months now seem to be an acceptable minimum but yet there are some experts and parents, who feel that Children should stay and learn at home till the age of 3. Let's find out why?

• A lot of parents feel that they can teach what toddlers are learning in school in a much better way and socializing with peers can take place in playground.
• Three to Five years is the age when children start forming meaningful relationships and start understanding social behaviour, hence a better age to start school.
• Younger kids have weaker immune system and hence more prone to falling sick.
• If possible, start with a couple of hours few days a week gradually moving on to more time being spent in school.

Well, now that I have presented you with both sides of the coin, you may want to take decision on what should be done. Even after what experts say and what others say, you have to work it out in a manner which is best for you and your li'l one. If you feel, the child is now getting bored at home, he/she needs some change and socializing, play school is a good option, while if you feel that he is fine at home and gets enough opportunities to meet with people and peers from home, you might want to delay the first day of school by few more months. It's your call now... Would you like to share some similar experience reagarding your decision, please do write a comment!

Will continue this series with more on types of playschools and how to deal with separation anxiety etc. Keep reading...

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Kids Corner- Playschool at 18 Months. Why?

A lot of parents decide to send their li'l one to the Playschool at around 18 months. Playschool programs are usually for a couple of hours, 2-5 times a week. Why is it a good idea to send your toddler to a playschool?  Experts feel that there is not much importance given to Early Childhood Education, which actually forms the foundation for all the formal education to be taken later. The following points are compiled after a thorough study of articles written by experts and discussions from various websites and forums as well as from various magazines. They may or may not hold true for all children but are generally observed. Let's find out...

• These programs introduce a toddler to structured activities and routines.
• They let them socially interact with their peers.
• Help them to be more confident and also independent.
• These help to stimulate the toddler's learning abilities and may bring out their strong personal, intellectual, social and creative traits at an early age.
• Help to make friends and adapt to new faces and setting.
• Help to inculcate social behaviour like sharing and caring, taking turns etc.
• Understand that crying is not the means to achieve what he/she wants.
• Help them to adapt to the formal school well.
• Helps in developing better learning and understanding abilities by making them more patient, focused, attentive.
• Kids are motivated to learn new things by observing their peers.

These may help to convince you of benefits of starting playschool at 18 months. But nevertheless there are others who say children are better if kept at home till 3 years. Keep reading to know why...

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Kids Corner- Playschool at 18 months? or not?

As my champ was approaching the 18 month milestone, I was concerned about whether to send him to a playschool or a playgroup or not. And believe me, it wasn't an easy decision to make as everyone you talk to will present their view for or against your thought and many a times will leave you reconsidering your decision. However, to begin the whole process, I thought of enrolling my champ into a playgroup and started talking to a lot of mums.
I had my reasons to have come to that decision and when shared with my Mr. Scientist, he also found them sensible and then started our search for a good playgroup close to our house. But in the meanwhile, when I shared my thoughts with other mums, not every one was on the same page with me on that and there were always a lot of discussions centered around whether I should go for it or not.
I wanted to send my champ to a playgroup because of certain reasons and let me share them with you all as well-

• Since he was used to being with only two of us that is me and my husband, he was becoming shy of strangers and didn't feel very comfortable in company of any other adult. I wanted him to get used to being around with other people as well.
• I wanted him to socialize with children of similar age group. That can provide him with experience that he's been missing in the company of adults for the whole day.
• Being in different surrounding, away from home and parents for some time may help him to become more confident and independent.
• There will be a routine set for him and he'll learn to be better organised in life later.

The counter arguments that came across for doing so were-

• He's too young to go out and stay away from home and mum even for a short while.
• He'll cry initially and may not settle well and how would you handle that?
• He may develop insecurities.

So this was what I experienced and since then I have been reading a lot about what is the right age to send your child to school, how to cope with various initial difficulties etc. I have also been talking to experts on the same issues and will share with you my findings in the following posts...
But with all this We started sending him to this Playgroup close to our place, for two hours, five days a week. Yes, We faced some initial "teething problems" and believe me they can persuade you to change your decision but we survived through them (How? Will let you know in next few posts...) and now We are happy with the way things are moving. Our Champ is enjoying his school, teachers and friends and learning as well!

Keep reading for more!

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